...being addicted to crack.

Lord help me. Who else could deliver me from an addiction of such magnitude. As everything should be, I place this in Your Hands.

So, I have a friend thats a crack addict. He has had such a troublesome history surrounding his addiction. Family, jail, jobs, his entire livelyhood....all affected by something that many of us could see a billion times a day and walk right pass it without it having any affect on us. He ,on the other hand, can see crack and it takes him into a different zone. He probably instantly feel a connection. His skin probably tingles, his heart races, his mind wanders......wonders what it would be like for a quick hit. Wonders if the new high last longer and feel better than the last. For a split second...if not longer....he wonders past all the consequences of poor action. He looks for the momentary satisfaction that at that very instance seems to outweigh ANY lasting trouble.



Some of us will never know such a struggle. the struggle in which engulfs all that you are to maintain a normal existance. It would be easy for us to say he shouldnt smoke crack. Of course we would say that. Just as we would say it would be easy for him to stop after going to jail the first, second, or third time. It'd be easy for someone to sit down and explain to him how it has damaged his relationships...both personals and professional. How the exhausting struggle has damaged his image, character, and even physical appearance. Seriously dude....just stop smoking crack, dont u see what its doing to everyone around u....including yourself?



There is really no difference between my addiction and his. but this is MY BLOG....enough about my boy.


So yesterday I told you that I wanted Taco Bell. Well, I went for it. I realized while I was at the stand placing the order that i wasnt even really hungry. I ordered the XXL taco combo with an extral XXL taco. Why? I dont know. I stuffed myself with it after finally getting to the house. I sat there last night full and happy....with a dallop of sadness. Until I realized what I did.

I made up in my mind that I was gonna start tomorrow to eating better. Maybe not even eat anything. I had planned on going to church for noon day service, too. I did neither. I ended up making time with a friend and She & I went to a Chinese Buffet today! I complained about being on a diet the whole time as I had the orange chicken, the sesame chicken, the lo mein, etc. Once again I see a pattern. Im talking more and more about the 60 days and doing less and less.

lets see what tomorrow holds. Im gonna go talk to this one guy who does training and see if he will help me jumpstart a end of the year countdown. setting me up on a work out regimend that corresponds with my bday at the end of the year. hoping that the outcome is a good round number. we will see. its all talk now......apparently.