media player going through my bootleg library. Of all the songs Ive heard, hearing the random play of Jill Scott's opening track called Blessed from 'The Light of the Sun' just reminded me that I have alot more to be happy about in oppose to try and holdin onto the negatives. Im in such a crazy spot. Im closing one chapter and now entering into a whole new era of manhood. (cant wait) Its so crazy that its hard to explain....so I wont bother, lol atleast not yet. Most likely it will be in a later blog. At the moment Im looking at myself as if Im a block of clay or a huge rock. thru discovery im finding that ive had the tools all along to mold that clay or chisel at that rock. Ive just never cared to learn the proper way of using them. I now am. Im Blessed.
Gonna get the nerve up to tackle weightloss again really soon, too. This time Im goin in with a lil more experience and some suprise attack plans. Im eventually gonna win the war. Its so weird trying to figure out all the ups and downs of life and then have a weight complex on top of all that. lol, God....for real? But, what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger. If you dont hear that enough you eventually learn it. And its a little more literal when it comes to your health and weight struggles. Im going to fly to Vegas in a week and the thought of having to buy an extra seat keeps popping into play. Its funny when I see my brother try and explain his reasons as to why I wont need to purchase an extra seat. He swears Im skinny when he talks to me. Fat folks hate to be patronized. well, most any folks do. I know I will most likely have too. Feel like its already a damper to a last minute, 1/2 birthday, first time ever flying, or really going anywhere special trip. We will see.
Even knowing that weightloss brings on its own luggage Im still ready. Im game to try and sweat it out some more. lol. Im wrapping up a couple of things that Im wanting to give some extra attention to & once completed I will have been raised to a higher understanding of how to handle myself as a whole. from there everything else will fall into its place. then and only then will i have the necessities to make a dent. Im truly believing that. Im blessed. You can say that even before you see where the cards will fall. You can say that when you know who holds the cards.
Media Player bout to hit that Ross, Wayne & Chamillionaire mixtape. My whole mood bout to change. A storms a brewin'....lol
June 29, 2011
June 22, 2011
Stuck in the Middle
taking a deep breath, I pause....then exhale. "Again." He says. "Nice, everything sounds good in your chest." said the Dr. Wait here and the nurse will be in to take some blood. Shortly thereafter she strolls in. "Hi, Mr Gordon. You ready to get 'poked' today?" We laugh and continue to greet one another. All I can think of is dam....yet another test? another blood test or nerve test, or sleep test, or...etc. The list could go on and on. And just like that God sends me another lesson in life.
On the outside people may see one side but internally the real you can only be seen with keen eyes, an open mind, and a faithful heart. The real you may not be shy but is definetly selective. As well we should all be. Not everyone deserves a piece of you. Not everyone gets the priveledge, nor deserve the right and benefit of enjoying who the real you is. I feel that way because everyones intentions arent true....and one we are built up with layers to deter those away that arent there for the long-haul or those that may end up being a hinderance to your past.
God is working with me. My views or those of a Man thats traveling. A traveling man that has began his journey, doesnt see a end in sight, and is yet to understand the logistics, the purpose, or the expectations for this middle journey. I remember years back I made a deal with God. Its funny how I laughd it off in thinking that it had no real basis.....Its God for goodness sake. Who makes a deal with Him?? Well, he listens. & apparently if you DONT watch closely he will deliver on it and you wont even realize it. He did. Now that I look back I see that He delivered on his end and now its time for me to do the same. A deal is a deal.
Ive been trying to get focused, refocused, and focused some more on weightloss. But thats gonna have to take a back seat. Not a LONGER wait (cause its been waiting for bout 20 years now lol) but a little more time to get my my and heart inline. Im on a road and each time something new comes around I lose my way, become unattentive, and end up off course. Making up time and attempting to right and due wrongs in the process. The catch is....I end up no where. Stuck in one spot spinning around like a lost chicken and using whatever comes along as the next BIG thing to correct or focus on.
This time Im good. Im gonna continue to walk the path, enjoy my Travels, and start to anchor my life more as a whole and weightloss will fall in where it needs to be. Its still a definite priority. I just know that it needs other things to go along with it to truly work and Im getting everything in line to make that happen. Being stuck in the middle of a journey gives you time to reflect on the past and plan for the future. God has shown me that. He has shown me that its NOT about the test all the time. Sometimes its what you do while waiting on the results. Are you holding steadfast on the Word and know that all is well? Do you become worrysome and try alternate solutions with uncertanty?
The middle is ok.....its where you get the work done. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. like a spiral staircase going upward.....you just never know whats around the corner....all you know is that its going up and thats the way you are headed too
On the outside people may see one side but internally the real you can only be seen with keen eyes, an open mind, and a faithful heart. The real you may not be shy but is definetly selective. As well we should all be. Not everyone deserves a piece of you. Not everyone gets the priveledge, nor deserve the right and benefit of enjoying who the real you is. I feel that way because everyones intentions arent true....and one we are built up with layers to deter those away that arent there for the long-haul or those that may end up being a hinderance to your past.
God is working with me. My views or those of a Man thats traveling. A traveling man that has began his journey, doesnt see a end in sight, and is yet to understand the logistics, the purpose, or the expectations for this middle journey. I remember years back I made a deal with God. Its funny how I laughd it off in thinking that it had no real basis.....Its God for goodness sake. Who makes a deal with Him?? Well, he listens. & apparently if you DONT watch closely he will deliver on it and you wont even realize it. He did. Now that I look back I see that He delivered on his end and now its time for me to do the same. A deal is a deal.
Ive been trying to get focused, refocused, and focused some more on weightloss. But thats gonna have to take a back seat. Not a LONGER wait (cause its been waiting for bout 20 years now lol) but a little more time to get my my and heart inline. Im on a road and each time something new comes around I lose my way, become unattentive, and end up off course. Making up time and attempting to right and due wrongs in the process. The catch is....I end up no where. Stuck in one spot spinning around like a lost chicken and using whatever comes along as the next BIG thing to correct or focus on.
This time Im good. Im gonna continue to walk the path, enjoy my Travels, and start to anchor my life more as a whole and weightloss will fall in where it needs to be. Its still a definite priority. I just know that it needs other things to go along with it to truly work and Im getting everything in line to make that happen. Being stuck in the middle of a journey gives you time to reflect on the past and plan for the future. God has shown me that. He has shown me that its NOT about the test all the time. Sometimes its what you do while waiting on the results. Are you holding steadfast on the Word and know that all is well? Do you become worrysome and try alternate solutions with uncertanty?
The middle is ok.....its where you get the work done. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. like a spiral staircase going upward.....you just never know whats around the corner....all you know is that its going up and thats the way you are headed too
June 15, 2011
Puttin on my shades.....
dang, where do i begin. its so many different things goin on in my head that I can barely focus. i wanted to first say that since the last blog update (Nov,2010) that ive grown a little in some aspect. but i wont admit to such a thing. my heart, brain and fingers wont collaborate at this instance to produce such a lie for you to receive.....if for no one else but myself (since im the only one who even reads my blogs), I will continue with the truth. BG.
This blog is mainly about the weightloss goals and struggles along the way. So I will attempt to keep it at that. Ive typed multiple paragraphs about things going on, current activities, traveling, etc. but in the end...they are all excuses. One other reason to continue to put weightloss in the background. I find myself at times really loving myself. No, dont get me wrong....thats essential, but I mean loving myself to the point of not carrying that I am seriously overweight and act as though I HAVE to accept where Im at. I catch myself telling myself (as if that makes sense) how, "Im good the way I am"....How, "I shouldnt care" & even how, "Im gonna make it do what it do no matta what" lol, my favorite personal solo convo. But although personal empowerment or sometype of internal esteem building may be good...its based off a lie. Cause at the end of the day its unhealthy.
for now tho, im just gonna see whats up. i have a few things going on and since my bday in december (actually my sisters, who isnt talkin to me now for some strange reason, bday in early decemeber. I partied it up with her and I ate all the deserts at all the eateries that acknowledged her bday) i havent attempted to work out. Im going to get back motivated and get it going. I have sooo many reason as to why I want to do it. For myself primarily but for all the other things I mentioned when I started this blog. When a year anniversary rolled around I wanted to update it again...as I have multiple times. But I feel that not meeting certain goals placed me in such a bad look. Not only did I not reach them....I gave up. I allowed excuses to reign and I never hesitated to just act as if I had forgotten my goal!
All in all Im here again. Reaching a point where I wanna start getting it right. I havent found the perfect receipe but I do know that work is gonna have to be the made ingredient. Ive admitted to being lazy multiple times in the past, but its now time for some work. Ive reached 30. Ive divided my life into chapters and this one is to be titled 'Work'. Im about to make things happen. Im slow to get up to a race that Ive already started times before. But the thing now is that Im not waiting for the dust to settle. Im putting my shades on so nothing will get in my eyes, but I gotta look cool. This time Im gonna put in the work. fa real.
now if i could get over this one thing called procrastination! ugh
Congrats to the Dallas Mavericks, #GOMAVS for their 2011 NBA Championship win. Hate I cant attend the parade tomorrow! Im going to go to the dr and weigh in. lol
This blog is mainly about the weightloss goals and struggles along the way. So I will attempt to keep it at that. Ive typed multiple paragraphs about things going on, current activities, traveling, etc. but in the end...they are all excuses. One other reason to continue to put weightloss in the background. I find myself at times really loving myself. No, dont get me wrong....thats essential, but I mean loving myself to the point of not carrying that I am seriously overweight and act as though I HAVE to accept where Im at. I catch myself telling myself (as if that makes sense) how, "Im good the way I am"....How, "I shouldnt care" & even how, "Im gonna make it do what it do no matta what" lol, my favorite personal solo convo. But although personal empowerment or sometype of internal esteem building may be good...its based off a lie. Cause at the end of the day its unhealthy.
for now tho, im just gonna see whats up. i have a few things going on and since my bday in december (actually my sisters, who isnt talkin to me now for some strange reason, bday in early decemeber. I partied it up with her and I ate all the deserts at all the eateries that acknowledged her bday) i havent attempted to work out. Im going to get back motivated and get it going. I have sooo many reason as to why I want to do it. For myself primarily but for all the other things I mentioned when I started this blog. When a year anniversary rolled around I wanted to update it again...as I have multiple times. But I feel that not meeting certain goals placed me in such a bad look. Not only did I not reach them....I gave up. I allowed excuses to reign and I never hesitated to just act as if I had forgotten my goal!
All in all Im here again. Reaching a point where I wanna start getting it right. I havent found the perfect receipe but I do know that work is gonna have to be the made ingredient. Ive admitted to being lazy multiple times in the past, but its now time for some work. Ive reached 30. Ive divided my life into chapters and this one is to be titled 'Work'. Im about to make things happen. Im slow to get up to a race that Ive already started times before. But the thing now is that Im not waiting for the dust to settle. Im putting my shades on so nothing will get in my eyes, but I gotta look cool. This time Im gonna put in the work. fa real.
now if i could get over this one thing called procrastination! ugh
Congrats to the Dallas Mavericks, #GOMAVS for their 2011 NBA Championship win. Hate I cant attend the parade tomorrow! Im going to go to the dr and weigh in. lol
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
