Having a Twin.........

and as the words continued to flow right past my eyes. streaming as steady as huge clouds on a windy day. i looked off into space thinking that the moments were unreal. to actually hear and see first hand that I have a twin. there was someone out there that also shared the same build and makeup as I. they too were made with complexeties & simplicities that made them too, to much to be sum'd up in paraphrased words. For a new moment in time. NO, a new moment in LIFE.....I can start to look at my struggles differently. I have a twin. Im not alone.

listening to the way you complain about your struggle. a Twin! "why did i not know this" is all i can think. as the images weve painted move along as a slow winding slide show i hear more about your insecurities and doubts. You talk about the broken committments, the upsetting failed attempts, the multiple regroup/restarts, and even the blame game. I continue to stay in shock. Wow, thinkn to myself..., Why did I never know this. It sounds nye-eve to think that no one else is going through my struggle. that all of a sudden, my issues and problems are new to the world and no one has ever been thru it like me before. Duh, Billy...there is nothing new under the son. and that includes our experiences.

OK, now that i know there is someone out there going through the same thing...i will move on.

I do a 2 mile plus walk now. TWO MILES!!! wow, who woulda thought I would be pumpd about a 2 mile walk. Ive done it TWO DAYS STRAIGHT! Won TWO TICKETS to the comedy show tonite. TWO GIRLS told me that they felt that I was doin good and would keep it up. TWO Days of eating less than what I would normally eat. I could go on and on.

All is good. great last couple of days. and pump'd to see how the next few days will go.

I keep telling myself...."Dang, Billy...cant u dedicate atleast 50 days to this." eventually I go all the way down to trying to do it one hour at a time.

Being Fat is a Full Time Job....& Im about to quit!

UGH! Its not fair that it takes sooo much more effort to remove the stuff that it takes only moments to add. I want pancakes! I want sausage. I want.......Hell, I dont care, just gimme somethin to eat! lol. Its ironic that I want to lose weight. Ive PSYCH'D myself into thinking that each day would be a breeze and its truly not. I said I would lose 30lbs b4 the end of the year and I will. I feel like Im losing now. But rest assured thats ONLY cause I have no groceries. This weekend when I go shopping may bring about different results. I havent went out to eat as much this week and thats a BIG accomplishment. All day everyday Im thinking about food more and more. Its like the more I try and NOT think about it...the more i do. Food, Food, Food. Apparently I need more going on in my life. Cause I see now, Food has the starring role as of now.

I did a 2+ mile walk this morning. I hated that I didn't do anything yesterday so I had to get out and hit the pavement. I pushed myself for sure. Im proud that I got that walk done. I look forward to more. Just wish I could look back over my shoulder and see a trail of fat coming off, and not a trail of candy paper and drive thru trash.

Lets see what lies ahead.

Post Halloween.......

"Yall make sure you don't eat ANY CANDY til we check it!" screamed the fat man through the crowd. The kids that didn't ignore him look back with disgust as they clench their candy bags tighter. Their little minds think only that he wants to sift through their candies to pick his cut, using a safety check as an excuse.
OK, so as you can gather I went trick-or-treating with some friends and their kids last night. It was a looonnnngggg walk. It brought back a few memories of the times I did it when I was younger. I even took the bag up to a door myself.

I thought over and over about the candy while I was walking. I kept asking myself if it would be OK to grab a piece from the kids. I had already had a few peices before we left the house....and like little pieces of bacon to a hungry dog, I was sniffin for more. I kept wondering about how great of a day it is for strangers and neighbors to rally together and pass out candy to others for NO apparent reason! I wondered if that hurt the fact that kids are unhealthy in such large numbers. I wondered if I could eat the candy so the kids wouldnt be unhealthy! lol. Then I realized that for the most of the walk all I could think about was eating candy! Even though I wasnt eating any....I thought countinously about what portion I could grab....How much I would eat. LOL, I even got to a point where I was walking around in awe that people were so generous to hand out candy.....knowing that i would be rolling around in it throwing it in the air letting it rain on me like.

We walked so long that everyone was tired and soar. I came to the house, leaving ALL the candy with the kids. I am happy to say that I didnt eat ONE peice of candy the day after halloween. I know I have the 'Lose 30lbs" thing goin b4 my bday at the end of the year, but I know Im gonna eat candy. and me saying it and writing it here will be the allowance for me to do just that. lol. its crazy.

I went walking today. It went smooth. I said I would walk later tonite too just to help counteract that chicken i been eatin' on ALL day! lol. lol.

Today Ive eaten baked chicken, ramen noodles, and kool aid. thats been the only thing all day. I dont have groceries and i had to make myself NOT go out for fast food. especially since church's chicken is the closest thing.