Ugh!….where do I begin. Clouded mind full of excuses. I know that Ive honestly had every emotion that a normal person….wait! Its not right to call myself normal. A normal person woulda been showing better results, stronger dedication, more seriousness, better preparation, etc. Something is definitely wrong with me. I can’t understand why this process, in which I am still in the beginning of, is not as easy as I want it to be. it’s a mind game that Im not winning. Its weird.
Sometimes you know exactly where you wanna go. You can see in your head the exact position of where you wanna end up. But somewhere between leaving the starting point and arriving at the destination….u can make a wrong turn and end up way up the block trying to do a u-turn, having to get back on track. Remembering that you’ve known all along where you are going. I know I have this beat. I can see where I wanna be at the end of the day….Its getting there that im allowing to be a hard struggle.
My neurologist smiled when he saw my weight. “Wow, Mr Gordon…you are definitely going in the right direction.” I had to ask him if he was serious. I had saw the weight and noticed that it wasn’t NEAR the amount I wanted. I started at 398 and thought that I would be at 320 by now ……something is WRONG. Lol ok, well maybe not 78 pounds. But anything more than the original 13 that was lost the first two weeks woulda been suffice. Im only 9 down. I GAINED 4 from the first few I lost. IM DYING INSIDE! Literally wanted to jump off a bridge. I actually told the doc that if I was near a bridge I would need help getting past it. Lol. All he see is the numbers in front of him on paper. He doesn’t understand the struggle. it’s a mental and physical one. He talked with me about it and made me understand that any loss is a great loss. I had to post a pic of the most current documented weigh ins for the readers.
I am deeply motivated to getting in a better physical position. But on MY TERMS! (....& im worried)
You have to watch your diet too. Just walking does you know good if your still eating like you have been. Also try to pick up the pace when your walking. I know it looks funny but do a speed walk. Trust me you can reach those goals you just have to put more work into then what you are doing now.
ReplyDeleteman, i see. i have the heart to change, but still wanting to get by with NO work. i know what i gotta do and u are right....how i control the eating will be the bigger factor. i tried to power walk and man, i prefer to look cool. lol! im gonna start a routine in the gym in the apts come nxt week.
ReplyDeleteOr you could also try making substitutions. instead of mayo try fat free mayo. buy the littl 100 calorie packs & eat 1 or 2 of them when you crave something sweet/salty. They have all kinds of reduced fat & low calorie stuff out there & most of it, you won't even notice the difference! Just doing that could probably cut 500-1000 calories/day. Or try keeping count of your calorie intake, so you'll know what changes you need &/or are willing to make.... and quit cooking out so damn much!!!!
ReplyDeleteMan let's do lunch sometime. Friday sound good? I would love to talk with you seriously bro! Let me know.
ReplyDeletethanks for the additional suggestions. I will get with u kyle. Im having car troubles so I doubt I will be back in commission by Friday.
ReplyDelete