whose ROLL is this??

Ok. So going at it for a few days for someone who doesn’t quite get the psyche side of this…..I see its really gonna be a HOT MESS! I have to walk with my head down staring at the ground for now. Walking with people is cool but I see how that can not be so good too. Go figure. ut when Im by myself something goes on. Im not for sure if its healthy or not. Not sure if Im suppose to succumb to the victimizing and cruelty I allow me to put myself under. Its like meeting ya worse enemy and having one on one time with them on a daily. They know you better than yaself and has something to say about everything. In my case….It seems to rarely be good. I have to keep looking down so no one will see the tears. Rolling down my face. Apparently tears burn! Tears of sweat that is. Im a wreck, but not that bad. Well, I guess it depends on who Im askin. Walking along the side of the road or thru the apts Im on a mission. Face Down, Head Up, Back Straight, Breathe, Walk, Breathe, Walk! Yea, I need to get a headset. If someone asked me for advice about toughing through this I would tell them to Be strong and all the other stuff people say when you are working at something. Its different for me though. Its like an uphill battle with a lot of little hills and unnecessary pot holes that make the journey that much more rough. Im digging the pot holes. Im creating my own little hills. Face Down. Breathe!

I was rolling around my KANGsize bed and felt around looking for my phone. I reached under me to see if I had rolled over it and grabbed something else. For a quick second I thought it was one of the pillows that come with the bed-in-a-bag set….too many dam pillows if ya ask me!,…but it wasn’t. It was ONE OF MY BACK ROLLS! Who says that? Who has them? Who wants them?? Whatever ya question is…It cant replace the shock at that whole situation. Honestly I figured the fact that me thinking that I was skinny was a good thing. Its not. Its not healthy at all. Not when you seriously forget you have rolls. I think Im turning on myself. Fat Billy and Skinny Billy are once again at war. I’m not sure who is gonna win. Im not even sure who Im rooting for. Just in typing this blog the moment of defeat passed thru. Its just that simple. But I have to win. Skinny Billy has to win. OMG! Whats wrong with me?

Im scared to proof read this. I might need serious help.